Verbal Diarrhoea From The ECB

You wouldn’t have gotten any more faeces out of Seedy Giles Clarke if you’d have given him a double dose of Picolax twenty minutes before yesterday’s press conference. Are the ECB now sponsored by Andrex?

What is all this crap about a “Holding camp” and a “Programme”?  Some kind of illegal alien alcoholic treatment centre?  Drunk Daleks with delirium tremens?  Plastered Primords peeing and puking pyrotechnically? Wankered Weeping Angels wobbling off into the night?  Has Seedy Giles been talking to Steven Moffat?

Those in charge of English cricket have been shown up as inflated buffoons obsessed with verbal diarrhoea.  This was was verbal diarrhoea at its worst from a serial offender.  One thing Seedy Giles has managed is to get the word “Re-integration” mocked mercilessly.

Just how much of yesterday’s announcement has anything to do with the ECB’s desire not to be sued?  Were the Feckless Five thinking “Oh [censored]! We’d better sort something to cover our asses and keep the courts and public from seeing how we do things”?

Had there been legal action (and there still may be) then the ECB’s processes and procedures would have fallen under the spotlight of public proceedings.  We already know one area where the ECB do not follow due process or best practice.  There must surely be more.  How humiliating would it be for the ECB top management to be exposed as even more useless than Ijaz Butt’s PCB and Ernest Hilaire’s WICB?

David Hopps wrote an interesting piece on yesterday’s events.  Hopps may contend that the power struggle has been about the value systems of English cricket but makes no mention of the fact that the situation has its roots in poor management from the ECB in the first place, Clarke and Morris included.  Clarke’s talk comparing KP with a recently released prisoner is patronising, offensive garbage.  Karma will repay Clarke for those words.

Michael Vaughan’s written a piece for the BBC which has some small merit but which again ignores the failures of the ECB. Considerably more relevant are the comments of Matthew Hoggard.

The questions asked in the previous post remain unanswered.  There has been no consistency from the ECB – Graeme Swann remains undisciplined by the ECB for his published comments, Sally Broad remains unsanctioned by the ECB for his indiscretions around a non-cricketer who thought he could use what he heard to mock KP and try to make others laugh.

The onus is now on Andy Flower – a coach who in my opinion is nearing his use by date – to do what he hasn’t so far and properly manage all of the different assets at his disposal.  Flower may not have lost any of his personal power but his stock has plummeted in my view.  The immediate future – these next four months – are as critical for Andy Flower as they are for KP.  Here’s why:

Alec Stewart and the BBC’s Pat Murphy have both said at different times that “the purpose of managers is to manage”.  Straight from the No S**t Sherlock School Of The Obvious but the point is that it’s not just bloggers who are now saying this stuff.  Yesterday on BBC Radio Five Live Murphy said that if the process went to arbitration then that would be an indictment of proceedings.  He’s got that wrong – the proceedings are already an indictment of poor management and a failure to take responsibility and sort things out by the ECB.

Properly managing all of the different assets at his disposal means that Flower must manage and monitor Sally Broad, Graeme Swann and James Anderson equally as much as he manages and monitors KP.  If reports are to be believed – yesterday  Pat Murphy described these three as “not bosom buddies” with KP – then they are as much part of the problem as KP, if not more so.  If one or more of them decides to be arsey then why should KP suffer for their unprofessionalism?  If one or more of them decides to be arsey then it is they whose professional standards are too poor.  As Yates has already written, professional standards should mean you can work with anyone, even if you dislike them.  Yates has worked with people best described in rhyming slang as “A real Gareth Hunt”.  If Yates can do it then Sally Broad and his chums can too.  If they can’t then they should pack their kit bags and get lost.

For the avoidance of doubt let’s be clear about this:

This entire situation would not have come to pass had Flower, Morris & Clarke managed the players properly.  If they felt unable to do so then they should have sought advice from Geoff Miller & Jabba Collier.  There is blame on both sides but Yates does not buy into this crap about KP being 70% to blame.

How the hell did Clarke became a successful businessman if this situation represents how he manages people?

This “re-integration” process will be made a whole lot easier if everyone concentrates on their cricket duties.  That means players, coaches and especially administrators:

No trying to be funny, no messing around on Xboxes, no trying to promote books of questionable literary value. They’re professional sportsmen, coaches and administrators, well paid for what they do. Focus on that.  Be aware of what you are doing and who is in your surroundings.

Because if England get stuffed in India and four months down the line we’re back here berating the Feckless Five we will know that something is indeed rotten at the top of the ECB.

Now if you will please excuse me I have to “re-integrate” some faeces with the downstairs toilet.