The Class Creep

Homeworkgate is like a badly written episode of Sunset Beach.  We’ve had lack of forethought from Arthur & Clarke, confidence shattering press conferences from Pat Howard, 4 players being excluded from test selection and Australia being deservedly handed their asses again (Sings “Three nil to the India! Three nil to the India!”).  Yesterday another revelation came to light.

Far from being an intellectual, which is no bad thing, Edward James McKenzie Cowan is nothing more than the class creep, the class grass.

That’s a shame because Yates was warming to him.  Not any more though.

There is a sort of logic to Cowan’s thought processes:

  • Australia are not the cricketing force they used to be
  • There aren’t many who can command an automatic place in the test side – my test average is only 33
  • There aren’t many who are knocking on the door for a place in the test side
  • Shane Watson keeps talking about wanting to open – he is after my place & a therefore threat to it
  • There are two Ashes series coming up that any Aussie would want to be a part of
  • I want to captain my country


  • The best way to ensure my continued place in the squad is to brown nose the captain and the coach, spout the same management b*ll*cks they do and grass on those who don’t conform

Cowan is intelligent and ambitious but like his captain and coach may not have thought this through properly.

By coming out as the class grass, Cowan has painted a target on himself.  For now he has joined Arthur and Clarke on the list of those who must be absolutely perfect at all times.  One foul up, one falling short and there will be people who will look to nail him.

Who will want to share a room with him now?  Having a sugary cup of tea before going to bed? Reported to the captain and coach.  Listening to your mp3 player while in bed? Reported to captain and coach.  Still awake past midnight? Reported to the captain and coach. Farting loudly in bed? Reported to the captain and coach.

You get the picture.  Underneath the management bulldust and equivocation there is someone who must be seen as untrustworthy because he is a slave to ambition.  Leadership and management isn’t about making little notes and bleating to the captain and the coach.

I don’t know if Gray Nicolls will be making Ed Cowan branded kneepads or Durex will be making Ed Cowan branded dental dams, but Cowan had better be prepared for a rough ride from here on in. He would do well to remember the kind of “accidents” that happen to the class grass.  Especially if you’re fielding close in.

Cowan has made his bed.  Now he must lie in it and accept the consequences.

2 thoughts on “The Class Creep”

  1. I always thought of Pup like that when Punter was the skipper, but thought Clarke had made an impressive change and was handling the captaincy well. Of course I like to listen on the radio and don’t have to look at his tats/haircuts so I can be a bit more tolerant…

    So, I think the pressure of what was happening in India- which was part of a natural cycle, imho- caused him to revert to type. MOST employees will mindlessly follow the lead, perhaps Cowan is just much more inclined to do so. My point being is that the personality has been present in the background with Clarke for years. Maybe Cowan sees that as how you become Vice Captain. Back to your point about Twatto being his perceived competition…

    I’m not a Pom that sees everything through the filter of the Ashes, so I’m actually hoping that he gets back on track. England are far too good for Oz at the moment and it’s better for us neutrals if they improve before then. It was also interesting seeing a total life-long committed git actually suck it in and get real. I think Arthur is the key. Not Mickey, Dent. “Don’t panic, Pup!”.

    1. Hi, thanks for your thoughts. The sight of Pup’s tattoo really annoys me, but I try not to let that get in the way of my assessments.

      There is masses of potential in this Aussie squad but this idea of a team of clones doesn’t sit well with me, whether in sport or in business. Trying to enforce conformity is copping out of doing proper man management IMO. People are all different and motivated by different things. There’s always going to be a class creep and if Cowan is thinking the way I suggest then his actions are logical and he should get a blue top and pointed ears. Good luck to him because he’ll need it. If he doesn’t mind being unpopular then that’s fine. I wonder how they’ll view him at Notts this season? Surely you’d want an overseas pro to offer help and constructive advice rather than ratting on teammates.

      Arthur, Clarke and Cowan all need to be (as Curt Hennig often said) “Absolutely perfect” or they will get nailed. Especially when Clarke’s run of good form comes to an end. Tubby Taylor was given support and time when his form deserted him in 1989. Because he was a good captain and a good man manager. Clarke (and maybe Cowan in the future) may not get that if they find themselves lacking form. Keeping the Star Trek analogy, Cowan could find himself taken care of by a current or ambitious up and coming player. That’s how the Klingons do it.

      I want a competitive Ashes series, I want to see no quarter asked or given. I don’t want to see backroom dramas and I want to see Aussies at their best – hard bitten, damn good fighters. A team but comprised of individuals. I’d always want a team of individuals who challenge my thinking than a team of sheep. I’m just not sure this is the route to get there, especially with Rugger Buggers messing things up.

      Time will tell. I wonder if Punter will have anything to say about Homeworkgate when he gets to the Kia Oval? 🙂

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