Category Archives: Thoughts

Saying The Wrong And Right Things

Saying The Wrong Thing: Paul Rupert Downton

People wonder what Yates’ beef is with Paul Rupert Downton and whether it’s personal. It isn’t personal. Even though his middle name is Rupert. Regular readers will know that any bad management and senior stupidity gets my ire. The ECB has excelled at both recently.

Yates is fundamentally opposed to Downton’s ditching of Kevin Pietersen, the bullshit reasons he’s used to justify this, his retention of David Saker and his refusal to do anything about the fast bowling coaching that ruins cricketers by interfering with talent and trying to make them fit one box.

Yates deeply resents being told that he is “outside cricket” purely for having opinions, expressing them and asking questions. Yates is nobody’s robot.

It bemuses Yates how a man who played only 30 tests, scoring 795 test runs can claim higher knowledge than one who has played over 100 tests and scored over 8000 test runs. Does working for a bank suddenly confer higher cricketing knowledge? If it does then why has Yates yet to see the Paul Downton cricket coaching manual?

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Team Waitrose Or Team BBC? Agnew Must Decide

You may have seen the cringingly awful Waitrose promo video that hit the net last week and then mysteriously disappeared.

If you didn’t see it then let Yates provide a brief summary.

“Starring” Jimmy Anderson and Stuart Broad doing the Full Kit W****rs thing in a Waitrose store with BBC Cricket Correspondent Jonathan Agnew providing TMS style commentary.  The advert featured Jimmy rubbing an apple on his groin a la polishing the ball, Stuart diving to catch something dropped by a shopper, David “Bumble” Lloyd as a delivery driver and a nauseating name check for Paul Downton right at the end.

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Pre-Test Balls Ups

Two test matches, two pre-test balls ups.  Yates wonders what the rest of the Ashes series will bring us and is pondering whether the correct use of the phrase is “balls up”, “balls-up” or “ballsup” (as in that much loved technical term “titsup”).

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Sachin: Ave Atque Vale? Er, No.

Yates feels that it would not be appropriate to unleash this article on you without a word of friendly warning.

We are about to discuss the retirement of Sachin Tendulkar here with some colourful metaphors which may be likely to offend.  It may thrill you. It may shock you.  It might even horrify you.  Proceed no further if you are a mindless BCCI loving drone, convinced that a now retired Indian batsman (or, in fact, any other batsman) is some kind of deity or are offended by colourful metaphors.

Well, we did warn you…

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T20 Team Names Are Getting Silly

Yates nearly choked on his Horlicks when he heard the team names for the Caribbean Premier League.  Things seem to be getting a bit silly.  So here Yates takes it to a bit of an extreme.  Warning – lots of typical immature male humour below the cut.  You have been warned.

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Specsavers Special

The second day of the first Ashes test has been a memorable one for debutant Ashton Agar, demonstrating a batting prowess that is considerably higher than his position in the Aussie batting order.  Only the hardest hearted would have begrudged the young man the century that he fell 2 runs short of.

For non Australians today will be remembered for poor England bowling against Agar and Phil Hughes and for two very poor decisions by Elite Panel umpire on TV duty Marais Erasmus.

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ECB Greedy Buggers

Instead of anticipating the start of the Ashes series, Yates has some strong words for the ECB.  Instead of policing cricket properly and pushing for the ICC to start doing the same thing, the ECB seems intent on trying to police YouTube clips.  Specifically one of the best cricket channels on YouTube, that run by Rob Moody (see his Twitter feed here). Continue reading ECB Greedy Buggers

Kaneria Life Ban Confirmed: About Bloody Time!

A few days ago Danish Kaneria lost another appeal against his punishment for corruption.  Yes, another appeal after his previous one was rejected.  Yesterday the Pakistan Cricket Board did the right thing and endorsed that verdict and therefore the ban.

About bloody time!

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Ball Tampering: ICC Vindicate Darrell Hair

Thanks to Bob Willis’ moaning about England “ball tampering” during the Champions Trophy and people looking for a story, the ICC have suddenly decided to “empower” umpires with regards to dealing with ball tampering.  Umpires will now be free to act on any suspicions they have, regardless of any lack of eye witness or camera evidence.

By taking this decision, the ICC have both vindicated Darrell Hair’s stance in the now infamous Oval test of 2006  and also put themselves in a precarious position.  In the Oval test Umpire Hair believed that the condition of the ball had been changed by Pakistan and awarded 5 penalty runs to England.  Pakistan refused to take the field after tea and rightly forfeited the match, as the Laws of Cricket required.

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CA Fail Post-Homeworkgate Test

Some time ago Yates opined that David Warner was something of a thug.  The events at the Walkabout Bar on Birmingham’s Broad Street have gone a long way to confirming that opinion.  This has presented Cricket Australia with a problem and their response to it has been inadequate.

Mickey Arthur and Michael Clarke were rightly pilloried over the Homeworkgate issue.  Throughout that, both men insisted that there were standards to be maintained when representing your country and that there were consequences for falling short.  Suspension from a test match was the punishment for not doing your homework.

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