Category Archives: New Zealand

Bellendery In Extremis

Yates’ Latin teacher was a very wise man. Of course, this was something which only became apparent with the passage of time. One of the many wise things he said was that history repeats itself. Yates will go further and say that if history repeats itself in the same organisation just over a year later then the people in that organisation are imbecilic bellends of the worst kind.

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Saying The Wrong And Right Things

Saying The Wrong Thing: Paul Rupert Downton

People wonder what Yates’ beef is with Paul Rupert Downton and whether it’s personal. It isn’t personal. Even though his middle name is Rupert. Regular readers will know that any bad management and senior stupidity gets my ire. The ECB has excelled at both recently.

Yates is fundamentally opposed to Downton’s ditching of Kevin Pietersen, the bullshit reasons he’s used to justify this, his retention of David Saker and his refusal to do anything about the fast bowling coaching that ruins cricketers by interfering with talent and trying to make them fit one box.

Yates deeply resents being told that he is “outside cricket” purely for having opinions, expressing them and asking questions. Yates is nobody’s robot.

It bemuses Yates how a man who played only 30 tests, scoring 795 test runs can claim higher knowledge than one who has played over 100 tests and scored over 8000 test runs. Does working for a bank suddenly confer higher cricketing knowledge? If it does then why has Yates yet to see the Paul Downton cricket coaching manual?

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Hey Dave! An Open Letter To David Richardson

Dear Dave,

Yates is sorry to hear you’re a bit put out by the recent leaks of Lou Vincent and Brendan McCullum’s testimonies to the ACSU.

But you can’t be surprised at the frustration being felt by fans around the world that so few disciplinary measures or convictions have been achieved or contributed by the ACSU.  By so few I mean zero. Zip. None. Naff all. Not a God Damn thing.  The only convictions that have been achieved have come via discredited newspapers running scams and police tapping phone lines.  Nowhere was the ACSU to be seen.

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The Tech Doesn’t Work!

For the last two nights Yates has tried in vain to watch live coverage of the New Zealand v England test match.  The operative phrase here is in vain.  Yates’ family has a Virgin Media subscription, lots of sports channels because we all have different sporting interests.  Other family members like motor sports, F1, speedway, NFL and Yates likes the cricket.

The TV Anywhere service is allocated to Yates to keep the cricket off the big screen tv in the lounge.  That keeps Yates’ mother happy because she hates cricket and keeps the Yates’ knackers free from being headbutted by the parents’ dog.  For those who don’t know, the TV Anywhere service is Virgin’s equivalent of SkyGo – “watch your favourite channels anywhere you have an internet connection” being the general claim.  However, the truth of it, the experience if you will, is something rather different.

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