Category Archives: England

Fit For Purpose?

Are the ECB Management Fit For Purpose?

“Fit for purpose” is an interesting phrase.  One of those business bullshit phrases but one that carries some actual clout.  It is subjective; who decides what constitutes “fit for purpose”?  What one may hold as a definition will differ from that held by others.

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Poison and Jingoism

Yates has written previously about so-called journalists who seem capable of only producing content of which the ECB would approve. Either because there’s an ECB hand shoved up their arse or because they are a really vile piece of filth.

Paul Newman falls into this latter category. People have tweeted that he’s a nice chap, even decent and only doing his job.

The more Yates thinks about that the more he comes to one simple conclusion: that’s bollocks.

Yates firmly believes that whatever you write, people put an element of themselves in that writing. Paul Newman’s track record at the Daily Heil speaks for itself: there’s nothing nice about any of his work for the Daily Heil. In fact there’s very little to like about the Daily Heil in general.

And “He’s only doing his job”? The Nuremberg defence. Really? That speaks for itself.  Bringing that up is an immediate loss of argument.

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Oh Look – Another List On The Internet

Oh look, another list on the Internet. Big fat hairy deal. When someone gets short of decent content, be it original or thought provoking, they invariably resort to that most overused thing – the list.  The Cricketer magazine has come up with its own English Cricket Power List.

When you’ve been around science fiction fandom and classic rock fandom as long as Yates has you come to view lists as nothing more than an attempt at grabbing attention, often through contentious opinions, arse kissing, spurious bullshit or trying to settle a score.

Doctor Who, Space:1999, Stingray fandom have all had their (un) civil war moments, never mind trying to discuss certain rock guitarists or drummers. This sort of stuff has been going on for years; the world wide web in particular has given platforms to all sorts of people, some of whom probably need to open their bedroom windows, get a shower and get out a bit more while others really need to wake up, get a spine and engage their critical thinking abilities.

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Bellendery In Extremis

Yates’ Latin teacher was a very wise man. Of course, this was something which only became apparent with the passage of time. One of the many wise things he said was that history repeats itself. Yates will go further and say that if history repeats itself in the same organisation just over a year later then the people in that organisation are imbecilic bellends of the worst kind.

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Change Is Afoot: Downton Sacked

Yates scared the people in the train carriage coming home yesterday as he shouted “Yes!” and fistpumped to his reading the news that Paul Downton has been sacked from his role at the ECB.

After several months of highlighting Downton’s failings the question any of us would like answered is “What tipped the scales?” What finally made Tom Harrison make the right but overdue decision?

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The Parable Of The Poor Director

Some years ago an organisation made a director level appointment.  There was the usual top brass bullshit and business buzzword bingo as part of the introductory PR spin.  Big things were clearly expected from this new director.

It wasn’t long before this director’s significant flaws came to the fore.  The first major decision made by this new director was based entirely on his own prejudices, refusing to present an honest justification and completely ignoring the existing excellent and continuing performance of the organisation.

Other decisions were also flawed, appointments made crucially so.  The organisation’s performance, brand and reputation were being damaged by a supposedly safe pair of hands.

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Brand Toxicity

In a week when the Evening Boris sported the headline “Toxic London” it’s appropriate to explore Brand Toxicity.

When does a brand become toxic? What turns a brand from successful to shithouse?

Here are a few thoughts:

  • When it treats its customers with disdain
  • When it takes customers for granted
  • When it mocks customers
  • When it treats customers as lower forms of life
  • When it is dishonest towards customers
  • When it fails to adhere to standards expected of them such as openness and honesty
  • When results and performances show continuing or declining levels of acceptability

Previous, current or ongoing good works rarely matter when a brand starts to turn toxic, as any headline writer will tell you.

Ask Gerald Ratner just how destructive to your brand becoming toxic can be. One supposed joke about his products wiped a high profile brand worth £500 million off the high streets. Why? Because Ratner mocked his customers.

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An Open Letter To Colin Graves And Tom Harrison

Dear Colin and Tom,

I don’t envy you the tasks you guys now face.  You take up your roles at the ECB with the national governing body looking greedy, petty, obsessive, controlling, incompetent, mendacious, out of touch and snobbish.  Most importantly the ECB has alienated a lot of people and smeared an imperial shedload of faeces on its brand over the course of 2014.

If it weren’t for Ched Evans the FA would look better than the ECB right now.  That’s how bad things are.

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The K-Word

Despite doing nothing about the booing Moeen Ali received in recent international games, the Exceptionally Clueless Buffoons have been revealed as charging Yorkshire captain Andrew Gale with racism against Lancashire’s South African batsman Ashwell Prince.

Did Gale let rip with an outburst worthy of a UKIPper?

Did he use the N-word? The S-word? The C-word? The M-word?

Did he make certain gestures or references to certain body parts?

Did he refer to a certain land made famous by Alan Clark and then by Godfrey Bloom?

Did he let rip with a Gene Hunt special?

Did he throw a piece of fruit? (If none of these make any sense get onto Google).

Any or all of the above would deserve a guilty verdict. But no, Andrew Gale did not do any of these things.

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Saying The Wrong And Right Things

Saying The Wrong Thing: Paul Rupert Downton

People wonder what Yates’ beef is with Paul Rupert Downton and whether it’s personal. It isn’t personal. Even though his middle name is Rupert. Regular readers will know that any bad management and senior stupidity gets my ire. The ECB has excelled at both recently.

Yates is fundamentally opposed to Downton’s ditching of Kevin Pietersen, the bullshit reasons he’s used to justify this, his retention of David Saker and his refusal to do anything about the fast bowling coaching that ruins cricketers by interfering with talent and trying to make them fit one box.

Yates deeply resents being told that he is “outside cricket” purely for having opinions, expressing them and asking questions. Yates is nobody’s robot.

It bemuses Yates how a man who played only 30 tests, scoring 795 test runs can claim higher knowledge than one who has played over 100 tests and scored over 8000 test runs. Does working for a bank suddenly confer higher cricketing knowledge? If it does then why has Yates yet to see the Paul Downton cricket coaching manual?

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