Category Archives: Cricket

England: Frozen Against Spin?

Congratulations to Pakistan on their test and series win over England.  Misbah-ul-Haq’s calm captaincy has helped unite and shape this Pakistan team into a cohesive and, more importantly consistent unit.  It used to be said that the only thing that was consistent about Pakistan was that you were never sure which side would turn up.  Perhaps that is changing, and about time.

The departure of Iajz Butt from the PCB could not have come soon enough.  That he had never arrived there in the first place must be the wish of many more than just myself.  With continued calm captaincy and leadership, provided that the retards are kept from positions of power and influence at the PCB, this Pakistan team could become a very very good side indeed.

Yates likes Mohammad Hafeez and Saeed Ajmal in particular and enjoys watching Umar Gul and Younis Khan too.  Make no mistake, this series win is well deserved and a rocket up the backside of the England batting.  So while Yates raises a mug of Darjeeling to Misbah and his team, the attention must now turn to the England batting.

Continue reading England: Frozen Against Spin?

Giles Clarke: Real Halfwit Or Just Trying To Be One?

Yates had some strong words about David Morgan’s review the other night so it would be wrong of me to allow Giles Clarke’s latest utterances to go without a response.  Giles needs to stop taking whatever pills he’s been on and wake up.  Or perhaps someone would be kind enough to introduce Giles to a clue stick in the form of the Mongoose MMi3.  Yates is surprised that someone with the business acumen of Giles Clarke has ended up spouting rubbish and looking like a puppet.  Which is exactly what has happened here.

But before I do, what is it about sports administration and governance that attracts or turns people into retards and halfwits?  That could be one hell of a long discussion:

Septic Blatter, Numbnuts Srinivasan, Ijaz Butt, Justin Vaughan, now Giles Clarke – all apparently successful yet responsible for some mind blowingly stupid acts and utterances over the years.  Yes, there are plenty of others but to catalogue such halfwittery would take time that Yates doesn’t have right now.  Don’t forget the chaos within Sri Lankan cricket either.

Anyway, back to the issue at hand.  Cricket faces a number of threats.  Match fixing is the most discussed issue at the moment. The ACSU’s failure to apprehend corrupt players is an indictment on the ICC.  Match fixing has now been confirmed in the English domestic game and could have massive repercussions.  The ICC itself doesn’t seem to have any clue how to progress the Associate nations towards test level and was massively rebuked by boards and fans for its initial desire to discount them from the World Cup. Its governance structure is outdated and cannot pass any description of real impartiality and having the interests of the game at heart.  It is open to misuse and bad influences by vested interests.

Which leads me nicely onto the greed of the BCCI, which is well known, as is its bullying attitude whenever something it doesn’t like comes along.  Like the ICL.  Oh yes, Yates will alwsy remember the behaviour of the BCCI and Justin Vaughan.  The Board for Control of Cricket In India throws its bloated, greedy weight around every chance it gets.

Meanwhile in England, the vagaries, strangeness and vested interests of local councils threaten our first class counties.  Well meaning but ultimately flawed ideas are being mooted to change (and weaken IMO) the domestic structure.  More counties are reliant on getting a test match during the season and face financial troubles if they do do not get one; such a  business model cannot expand and continue to work.  Finally the BBC is considering cuts which would render its radio county cricket coverage only marginally better than that of Planet Rock.

So, what does Giles think is the biggest danger facing cricket?  No, it’s not him looking like a sack of faeces tied up with string whenever he’s on television, it’s….

Continue reading Giles Clarke: Real Halfwit Or Just Trying To Be One?

The Morgan Review: A Vehicle For Change? I Think Not

The Morgan review generated much discussion before its eventual publication.  Now it has been published, not only are Yates’ and others criticisms shown to be valid, the report itself is one of the weakest documents Yates has ever seen.

Yates has seen plenty of poor efforts at documentation and reports in his time but this has to be one of the poorest to ever sully his monitor with its presence.  Were Yates a CEO in receipt of this document he would throw it back at David Morgan with a demand for a fuller document with detailed and substantial evidence.

Continue reading The Morgan Review: A Vehicle For Change? I Think Not

My Name’s Ned Seagoon, Sorry, David Morgan

The news that David Morgan’s review into the county season is to be accepted by the ECB comes as no real surprise.  Coming on the back of England’s number 1 test side status, this effort by Morgan seems a bit odd to say the least.  Yes, we’re the best test side in the world so let’s cut the first class cricket that made us so and bend over for the Champions League.

Currently we have two Championship divisions of nine teams.  16 games is the sensible, logical and balanced approach to have – each team plays the others in its division home and away.  How is a cut to 14 games per season going to work? Which teams miss out on playing each other, why and under what process is this determined?  The idea is fundamentally flawed.

Continue reading My Name’s Ned Seagoon, Sorry, David Morgan

Save County Cricket From BBC Axe

The cuts announced by the BBC have caused a lot of concern for those employed by the nation’s public service broadcaster.  The Licence Fee is a unique way of funding, some argue it to be anachronistic and tax-like in these modern times but it supposedly serves to keep the BBC as a public service broadcaster.

The possibility that the BBC’s local radio stations are under threat from these cuts and a review exercise brings the unpleasant possibility that its excellent coverage of county cricket may fall under the axe.  If that happens then I believe that the BBC will have completely lost the right to call itself a public service broadcaster and should lose the Licence Fee completely.

The BBC does a lot wrong.  Paying Jonathan Ross obscene amounts of money to make knob gags being one.  Not bidding for the rights to show test cricket on television is another.  There are things that need to be changed at the BBC.  However, it must be said that the BBC does at least a few things right.  Its coverage of county cricket on the radio and over the internet is excellent.

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Cricket Thoughts: Scheduling

There are plenty of discussions going on about the state of the game and in particular the scheduling of games during the cricket season. Legside Lizzy and George Dobell are two whose thoughts are well worth reading.

Yates has heard a fair few people say that the schedule is crazy and needs to be streamlined and is not unsympathetic to both sides of the discussion.  If you’ve tried to schedule something involving groups of people you will know that it is nigh on impossible to please everyone and that someone somewhere will always have a whinge and a bitch.

As a returning spectator this season here are a few things that have struck me during my visits to the Kia Oval.

Continue reading Cricket Thoughts: Scheduling

Opening Up

We walk out to bat, call for a leg stump guard and dig a trench along that line.  We dig like Jonathan Trott, of whom we are great supporters.  We walk away, get into our little bubble – we don’t care if anyone is annoyed by it – walk back to the stumps and take our guard.

Welcome to Don’t Chase The Wide Ones, a new blog centred around cricket.  Things may run off at a tangent but the central aspect of DCTWO will be cricket, often with a Surrey and England slant.  Some posts will be humorous, some will be reportage and some will be questioning, critical and/or challenging of something or someone that we think needs Cluesticking (that is, a smack upside the head with a Clue stick).

DCTWO is a journey.  Check out the Author & Agenda page to learn a little more about DCTWO.

There are some sincerely held beliefs here at DCTWO, just so people can see where we’re coming from.

  • We enjoy good cricket, from whichever team it comes
  • We like good fish and chips and a bar that serves cider and soft drinks at reasonable prices
  • We don’t have it in for any team, not even Glamorgan (Yates is a Jamie Dalrymple fan)
  • We’re not malicious unless it’s the PCB in which case it’s well deserved
  • A 6 is a 6 and not a “DLF maximum”
  • We’re alarmed at the number of people in cricket administration who need Cluesticking
  • Ijaz Butt and Andrew Hilditch are two people in dire need of severe Cluesticking
  • Justin Vaughan needs to be cut loose from his BCCI branded gimp outfit and readjusted to society.  His gutless role in the Shane Bond story will never be forgotten
  • The BCCI is far too big for its boots and needs bringing down to size
  • Quite why Daryl Harper and Asoka de Silva stayed as international umpires for so long bemuses us

The guard is marked, DCTWO’s innings has started.  Let’s play.

Remember: be smart, be safe – don’t chase the wide ones.