Category Archives: Australia

Bellendery In Extremis

Yates’ Latin teacher was a very wise man. Of course, this was something which only became apparent with the passage of time. One of the many wise things he said was that history repeats itself. Yates will go further and say that if history repeats itself in the same organisation just over a year later then the people in that organisation are imbecilic bellends of the worst kind.

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Pre-Test Balls Ups

Two test matches, two pre-test balls ups.  Yates wonders what the rest of the Ashes series will bring us and is pondering whether the correct use of the phrase is “balls up”, “balls-up” or “ballsup” (as in that much loved technical term “titsup”).

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Specsavers Special

The second day of the first Ashes test has been a memorable one for debutant Ashton Agar, demonstrating a batting prowess that is considerably higher than his position in the Aussie batting order.  Only the hardest hearted would have begrudged the young man the century that he fell 2 runs short of.

For non Australians today will be remembered for poor England bowling against Agar and Phil Hughes and for two very poor decisions by Elite Panel umpire on TV duty Marais Erasmus.

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Mickey Arthur Sacked

The news that Cricket Australia have today sacked Mickey Arthur came as a bit of a surprise to Yates.  But not all that much of a surprise.  Mickey Arthur’s recent performances – Homeworkgate, Warnergate and his interview proclaiming the Australian attack as the best in the world – have not been confidence inspiring.

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CA Fail Post-Homeworkgate Test

Some time ago Yates opined that David Warner was something of a thug.  The events at the Walkabout Bar on Birmingham’s Broad Street have gone a long way to confirming that opinion.  This has presented Cricket Australia with a problem and their response to it has been inadequate.

Mickey Arthur and Michael Clarke were rightly pilloried over the Homeworkgate issue.  Throughout that, both men insisted that there were standards to be maintained when representing your country and that there were consequences for falling short.  Suspension from a test match was the punishment for not doing your homework.

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Warner Bothers

Pretty much every cricket follower must now be familiar with David Warner’s recent Twitter meltdown where he let rip at journalists Robert “Crash” Craddock and Malcolm Conn.  Shakespeare it was not, although we might yet see it used in classrooms – alongside Kenwyn Williams’ Facebook meltdown as examples of how not to do social media.

This is another humiliating incident for the Aussies in the aftermath of the Homeworkgate affair.  We may not be sure if Warner can use a pen to write but he certainly can use a keyboard.  Even if his spelling leaves a bit to be desired.

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Aussie Ashes Squad – Big Fat Hairy Deal

In the aftermath of Homeworkgate and licking the window of stupidity, the Banana Bunch of Cricket Australia (with apologies to Deep Purple) have announced the names of those entrusted with trying to get the Ashes back from England:

Small CA Bananas

Michael Clarke (capt), Brad Haddin (vice-capt, wk), David Warner, Ed Cowan, Phillip Hughes, Shane Watson, Usman Khawaja, Chris Rogers, Matthew Wade (wk), James Faulkner, Ryan Harris, Peter Siddle, James Pattinson, Mitchell Starc, Nathan Lyon, Jackson Bird.

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The Class Creep

Homeworkgate is like a badly written episode of Sunset Beach.  We’ve had lack of forethought from Arthur & Clarke, confidence shattering press conferences from Pat Howard, 4 players being excluded from test selection and Australia being deservedly handed their asses again (Sings “Three nil to the India! Three nil to the India!”).  Yesterday another revelation came to light.

Far from being an intellectual, which is no bad thing, Edward James McKenzie Cowan is nothing more than the class creep, the class grass.

That’s a shame because Yates was warming to him.  Not any more though.

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Advance Australia Where?

Australia are now 3-0 down in India.  This is a serious headache for Arthur & Clarke but one of their own making because of their poor management.  Arthur & Clarke have nailed their colours to the mast and expect players to adhere to those standards.  But as Yates has already written, those same standards must apply to them as well.  So the news that Michael Clarke’s dodgy back has flared up again highlights injury management by both CA, Arthur and the player himself.

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Lick The Window Of Stupidity

Inspired by a certain yogurt advertising campaign, this is a phrase Yates has had floating around his mind for a while.  It occasionally gets an airing as part of the phrase “Better to lick the lid of life than the Window Of Stupidity”.  The last couple of days has seen the Window Of Stupidity take one hell of a licking thanks to the antics and poor management in the Aussie cricket team.

Yates has no issue with desires for professionalism.  Maybe Arthur & Clarke have seen the error of their ways so far and said “enough is enough”.  As a result they have screwed consistency and a clear message without drama and made themselves and Cricket Australia a laughing stock.  Ijaz Butt, Justin Vaughan and Ernest Hilaire must be wetting themselves with laughter.

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