All posts by Yates

Born in a time where the school cricket teacher was usually the overtimetabled Maths or French teacher who was a total rugby nut and thought cricket was a game for nancy boys (and in this case he was), Yates remains scarred by his school’s failure to pick him as an off-spinner for their 1st XI (or, indeed, any of their XIs). He claims that he is “the right armed Phil Edmonds that England never had” despite not resembling Philippe-Henri in any way. The only thing they have in common is that both have ricked their back when getting out of a car. Attempts at playing the game have met with varying results ranging from match winning to the truly Village. Yates insists that this qualifies him more than adequately to comment on the less impressive performances he sees.

ECB England – A Devalued Team

The announcement of Peter Moores as England Head Coach has confirmed Yates’ thinking since Paul Downton was announced as Managing Director of England Cricket.

Instead of harshly examining a system which is obsessed with turning fast bowlers into musclebound mechanical men who break down far too often or looking into why the batting coaches were unable to get through to the England top order how to play Mitchell Johnson, Downton decided that he’s tired of dealing with those bloody irritating colonials who speak their mind and used the Ashes whitewash as the ideal opportunity to saddle Kevin Pietersen with the blame.

Continue reading ECB England – A Devalued Team

The Season Arrives

The cricketing winter has been unpleasant in a number of well reported ways, so it was with a real sense of pleasure that Yates switched on the Surrey v Glamorgan commentary this morning.

When Yates was a student, the only cricket commentary he could find on his combined television/radio gadget was BBC Radio Wales.  So much of Yates’ academic output was created, revised, sworn at, rewritten and finally submitted with the tones of Edward Bevan, Don Shepherd and Wilf Wooller in the background.  And 20+ years later Edward Bevan’s voice is still the voice of BBC Radio Wales cricket.

To hear Mark Church and Edward Bevan commentating on that first session of the season bought a sense of happiness and well-being to Yates. First class cricket is the bedrock of our game and deserves good support.  The winter’s events – what was done, what was not and what should have been done – may well have repercussions still to come.

For now we can focus on county cricket and enjoy the start of the season.  The hopes, aspirations, predictions, rekindling of friendships and comradeships, taking seats at grounds and watching the game we love, discussing it online, getting selfies with players and the other stuff we do which friends and family may not understand.

To us all – players, commentators, journalists, writers, bloggers, supporters and everyone involved in cricket – Yates raises his glass to you and wishes you a happy and successful season.

Pre-Test Balls Ups

Two test matches, two pre-test balls ups.  Yates wonders what the rest of the Ashes series will bring us and is pondering whether the correct use of the phrase is “balls up”, “balls-up” or “ballsup” (as in that much loved technical term “titsup”).

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Sachin: Ave Atque Vale? Er, No.

Yates feels that it would not be appropriate to unleash this article on you without a word of friendly warning.

We are about to discuss the retirement of Sachin Tendulkar here with some colourful metaphors which may be likely to offend.  It may thrill you. It may shock you.  It might even horrify you.  Proceed no further if you are a mindless BCCI loving drone, convinced that a now retired Indian batsman (or, in fact, any other batsman) is some kind of deity or are offended by colourful metaphors.

Well, we did warn you…

Continue reading Sachin: Ave Atque Vale? Er, No.

Conduct Unbecoming Of A QC

Yates offers hearty congratulations to Northamptonshire CCC on their excellent T20 title win last night.  Yates is delighted for them for a variety of reasons not least because Twitter was alive with many many Willey jokes which made him snigger.  The prospect of David Willey playing with Quinton de Kock in the same game looms as a possibility for mass innuendo and immense sniggering and laughter.

This piece was written mostly before the FLT20 Finals Day and would have been posted whether or not Surrey won the trophy.

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T20 Team Names Are Getting Silly

Yates nearly choked on his Horlicks when he heard the team names for the Caribbean Premier League.  Things seem to be getting a bit silly.  So here Yates takes it to a bit of an extreme.  Warning – lots of typical immature male humour below the cut.  You have been warned.

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Specsavers Special

The second day of the first Ashes test has been a memorable one for debutant Ashton Agar, demonstrating a batting prowess that is considerably higher than his position in the Aussie batting order.  Only the hardest hearted would have begrudged the young man the century that he fell 2 runs short of.

For non Australians today will be remembered for poor England bowling against Agar and Phil Hughes and for two very poor decisions by Elite Panel umpire on TV duty Marais Erasmus.

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ECB Greedy Buggers

Instead of anticipating the start of the Ashes series, Yates has some strong words for the ECB.  Instead of policing cricket properly and pushing for the ICC to start doing the same thing, the ECB seems intent on trying to police YouTube clips.  Specifically one of the best cricket channels on YouTube, that run by Rob Moody (see his Twitter feed here). Continue reading ECB Greedy Buggers

Kaneria Life Ban Confirmed: About Bloody Time!

A few days ago Danish Kaneria lost another appeal against his punishment for corruption.  Yes, another appeal after his previous one was rejected.  Yesterday the Pakistan Cricket Board did the right thing and endorsed that verdict and therefore the ban.

About bloody time!

Continue reading Kaneria Life Ban Confirmed: About Bloody Time!

Ball Tampering: ICC Vindicate Darrell Hair

Thanks to Bob Willis’ moaning about England “ball tampering” during the Champions Trophy and people looking for a story, the ICC have suddenly decided to “empower” umpires with regards to dealing with ball tampering.  Umpires will now be free to act on any suspicions they have, regardless of any lack of eye witness or camera evidence.

By taking this decision, the ICC have both vindicated Darrell Hair’s stance in the now infamous Oval test of 2006  and also put themselves in a precarious position.  In the Oval test Umpire Hair believed that the condition of the ball had been changed by Pakistan and awarded 5 penalty runs to England.  Pakistan refused to take the field after tea and rightly forfeited the match, as the Laws of Cricket required.

Continue reading Ball Tampering: ICC Vindicate Darrell Hair